I've been in pain for three years now; I was convinced it was all in my head and yet, I'd try to rationalize what was going on with my hips and thighs.
Because hips don't lie.
Maybe I'm just shitty at sleeping and my body is all fucked up from contorting so much.
Maybe Carl uses me as his personal trampoline while I slumber.
Maybe the toddler uses me as her personal trampoline while I slumber. She does when I'm awake so . . .
Maybe all those late night snacks aren't helping me. Phbbbbbttttttt. That's fucking ridiculous. Cross that one off the list.
Maybe I had an accident I don't remember and my life is really some elaborate ruse to try and take all my money. If I only I had a shit ton of money.
Maybe. . .
I finally went to see an orthopedic doctor. Read: expensive co-pay for a diagnosis Carl gave me two years ago: bursitis. There were a lot of medical terms that followed, but I stopped listening as usual.
Plan of attack: six weeks of physical therapy and anti-inflammatory meds, meds which make me super foggy and dizzy. Yay!
Couldn't I just do some stretching at home, I asked the doctor.
He glared at me like I had crashed his medical bachelor party and asked, Do you want to get better?
I could see where this was going. He wanted to play games. Answer questions with questions. I'm the queen of that, but he probably heard about my street cred and left before I could decimate him in this game of games and let his nurse finish the debrief.
I had my first hour of physical therapy yesterday. Insert: sighs, eye rolls, belly-aching, memories of younger, pain-free days.
An hour of PT - which was really just stretching which I could have done at home - with a 20-something who is bubbly, energetic and perky (are those all synonyms of one another?) made me want to put my eyeballs in traction.
I have to go back next week.
Will my attitude get better? Will the eye rolls cease? Will those peppy 20-somethings who giggle when I talk about stuffing my face with potato chips leave me alone?
Tune in next week when we find out the answers to all those questions is NO.
It's Friday, people - live it up.