I was on Etsy today trying to find another old-school projector from the 1950's (I got one for Carl for Christmas) because that's what you do instead of work when the toddler is screaming in the background because you can't find a goddamn episode of Spongebob for her to watch.
I need to start locking doors around here. And wear earplugs. Maybe I should move into the garage. Maybe the toddler should move into the garage. Ohmygod - she's never gonna stop screaming.
Anyway, there are strange things brewing on Etsy. Curious, strange, odd, maybe evil things:
I'm sorry but this looks like old man bits to me. No thanks.
Do people really want to smoke out of a penis pipe?
The 9-year-old saw these boob slippers and said "why would anyone want to wear Hershey Kisses on their feet?" I have no idea, man. No idea.
I sort of looked like this morning with baggier clothing and messier hair and actually, I'm a lot scarier than this doll in the morning.
I was just telling Carl I've been looking for bat pasties. Because pasties!
You could have soap made out of your breast milk. No shit. Too bad I don't have any frozen breast milk hanging around because what a nice surprise I could send my relatives for Christmas.
What you're lacking in your daily multivitamin is placenta.
And just like that two hours have been wasted. And still the toddler is complaining. And she really, really dislikes Meg Ryan. And I need to turn the T.V. off.